I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
