Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
