we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
third nipple confirmed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
