if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
