I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
