You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
