Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
