It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
