i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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