she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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