She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
