did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
