i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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