it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
