Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
