Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
