I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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