I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
