i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
did i just pee glitter
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
