Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
