Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
