Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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