Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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