the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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