You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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