Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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