dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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