and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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