the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
