A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
