he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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