We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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