Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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