If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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