trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
