I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
