Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
