You can't special order awesome
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
