o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
