I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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