omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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