I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
