I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
