it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
