I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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