On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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