I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
