so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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