Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
