He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
