Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
