I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
