Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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