how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
