plz talk dirty to me
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
