FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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